Matt Kaufman
In 2002 I was eighteen and working in Fopp in Leamington Spa. I found a 5-track CD with almost a pair of tits on the cover and I listened to it and it was BRILLIANT and I found that the band who had made it were playing a gig in a couple of months at the Garage in Highbury in north London, which was easy enough to get to.
So my mate and I went to London to ogle the almost-tits band, but supporting them were some Welsh children – they looked about 14, and they were called The Loves. They played such sweet bubblegum pop music; a snatch of Velvets here, a blatant theft of Bugsy Malone there.
Simon the singer’s between-song banter was unintelligible. The guitarist was a girl - no, wait, a boy? Or a girl? Called Pnosni? That doesn’t help. Anyway I was smitten, so I introduced myself by the door which led backstage. Then I started going to as many The Loves gigs as I possibly could, me and my stupid long hair and ill-fitting cheap suit.
I tried to make friends with them, but I didn’t know how to properly, so I gave them a passport photo of myself instead, because I was a fucking moron. Then I think I made them a cake, which was even more stupid, but also I couldn’t hope to compete with John Peel’s wife having made them heart-shaped pizzas at Peel Acres the previous Valentine’s Day.
In 2003 I went to one of their all-dayer mini festivals at the Toucan bar in Cardiff and got stuck in to the G&Ts. I drank the place dry of tonic water so ended up drinking neat gin. I’ve never been so sick - I think I missed their set; last thing I remember was Simon playing guitar over Everett True reading poetry. Then I had to run to the lavs to be violently ill for several hours.
I eventually did make actual friends with the band, and getting on for a decade later I had the privilege of being in the music video for their song December Boy (also starring Darren Hayman from Hefner!) as well as putting out their final vinyl single - Motherfuckers, from the double B-side #1 Xmas Record - on my own imaginary indie record label Brown Dwarf. (It’s also on Spotify and iTunes, if you like.)
