POPFESSIONS

John Lucas

If venerable lads mag FHM is to be believed, Louise Redknapp was the sexiest woman of the 90s. Throughout her longer-than-you-remember-it-being pop career she consistently appeared near the top of their annual totty countdown. The funny thing is, I don’t remember many of my straight friends being all that interested in her. 

However, as an increasingly sexually conflicted teenager growing up in a tough town outside Liverpool, Louise was my life raft. The laddish banter that surrounded me was an alien language. Did I fancy Kelly Brook, or was I more of a Nell McAndrew man? I had no idea who these people were! Angelina Jolie or Cameron Diaz? When asked who my favourite “birds” (sorry ladies, Catholic high schools are not a great breeding ground for progressive thinking) were, and why, I often found myself tongue-tied and at a loss. I liked Drew Barrymore movies, but she was always too girl-next-door to be a convincing lust-object for an instant gratification-hungry adolescent. Kylie, obviously, was far too much of a red flag. 

Louise, however. Louise I could get away with. Her breezy, inoffensive pop tunes were the soundtrack to my youth. That little nub of self-loathing wouldn’t quite let me embrace the openly pink-pound grabbing disco antics of Geri and Steps. But I could sell my Louise fandom to myself, and to others, as a harmless, red-blooded crush. There was nothing wrong with me buying the Arms Around The World single on multiple formats and playing it over and over again while attempting to recreate the video by writhing seductively on a swivel-chair - she looked smokin’ hot on the front cover! 

I still love those songs. Naked remains a majestic piece of 90s pop, and Light of my Life is up there with the best powerballads that Celine and Mariah were churning out - Louise’s considerably thinner vocal delivery adding a sweet note of fragility in compared to their melismatic bombast. She made a valiant effort to dip her toe into edgier waters by sampling Wu Tang-Clan on the slinky Beautiful Inside - but public interest was waning at this point and by the early 00s she’s disappeared from the charts altogether. Fittingly enough, this co-incided with my own coming out and the surprising acceptance of those intimidatingly macho friends. I was ready to move on to an exciting new chapter in my life, and although she’ll probably never know it, in a not-inconsiderable way it was Louise who took my hand and helped me to turn the page. 

Incidentally I’ve spoken to a number of other gay men of my age who had a very similar experience of Louise fandom in those crucial years, leading me to conclude that she was not just a fleeting pop sensation but a sort of beard for an entire generation. It’s quite a legacy.